Your Strategy Has a Nervous System
Every strategy has to pass through a human before it gets going.
That means the quality of a strategy is never determined by the plan alone. It is inseparable from the judgment, habits, fears, loyalties, and emotional patterns of the people responsible for carrying it out.
I know we like to believe our important decisions are rational. We study the numbers, consider the options, debate the risks, and make what we believe is the best decision for the business.
Sometimes that is exactly what happens. Other times, something less visible is influencing the decision. For example,
We avoid a difficult conversation because conflict feels threatening.
An owner steps in and takes control because trusting someone else feels to risky.
We reopen a decision because disappointing one person feels worse than creating confusion for everyone else.
We tolerate underperformance because patience and compassion sound better than an uncomfortable truth.
None of that is strategy. But all of it drives our strategy.
I Called It empathy
I came to understand this more clearly when I moved from being an individual contributor into executive leadership. As an individual contributor, I was rewarded for solving problems, carrying responsibility, and getting things done. If something was not working, I stepped in. If someone was struggling, I helped. If a deadline was at risk, I found a way to get it across the finish line.
Those qualities helped me succeed.
Executive leadership required something more. I had to establish standards, make difficult decisions, and accept that doing what was right for the organization would not always make me popular.
That forced me to confront something about myself. I wanted to be accepted. My sensitivity to rejection sometimes made it harder to make tough decisions or deliver a message someone did not want to hear. There were times when I tolerated underperformance too long or failed to be as clear as I should have been about an expectation. I told myself I was being patient and compassionate.
Sometimes I was.
Other times, it was ruinous empathy. I was protecting myself from the discomfort of holding someone accountable. That was not kindness. It was avoidance. And while I avoided the discomfort, other people carried the consequences. The company absorbed the cost of delayed action. The team received a confusing message about what was expected. The employee was denied the clarity needed either to improve or face the possibility that the role was not working.
Your Team Does Not Experience Your Intentions
Last week I wrote about a similar realization in parenting. Belinda and I know the parents we intended to be. Our five children experienced something of their own. There is undoubtedly overlap between those two perspectives, but they are not identical.
Leadership works the same way.
We know what we meant when we made the decision. We know why we waited, stepped in, softened the message, or gave someone another chance. Our teams however experience the behavior and its consequences.
We may intend to empower people but still take over.
We may value honest communication while becoming defensive when someone disagrees.
We may believe in accountability while rescuing people from their commitments,
We might even genuinely care about the culture while continuing to tolerate behavior that damages it.
Intentions matter, but culture is shaped by what people actually experience on a regular basis. That's why self awareness is not so soft. It helps us recognize when an old pattern is making a current decision.
Awareness Is Only the Beginning
Recognizing a pattern does not automatically change it. Most experienced leaders already know what good leadership looks like. They understand the importance of trust, clarity, accountability, communication, and other important team building characteristics.
But recognizing good leadership and producing it under pressure are very different abilities. Under stress, people tend to return to familiar responses. We avoid, control, rescue, defend, delay, or push harder because those behaviors often worked for us before.
Changing this stuff requires more than positive thinking. It requires disciplined attention and deliberate practice as outlined in another article I wrote in 2022.
We have to notice the conditions that activate our behavior. We have to understand what we are protecting and confront what the pattern is costing us. Then we have to practice a different response often enough that it becomes available when the pressure returns. That begins with better self reflection and curiosity:
Why do I keep responding this way?
What am I trying to protect?
What is it costing my team and the business over time?
What would a more effective response look like in this situation?
These questions are not an invitation to endlessly analyze our childhoods or journal about every feeling. They are an invitation to take responsibility for what we bring to the table because the most important change a leader can make is not necessarily another business decision.
It's recognizing what has been making the decisions. Thats the human side of growth.
P.S. I’ve been wrong before, and I’ve written about it. In 2021, I looked back at several of my own strategy failures and what they taught me in The Tao of Failure.
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